Rodney Dangerfield's First Economics Class

This is a scene from the Rodney Dangerfield movie, "Back To School", in which Rodney takes his first economics class and gives the arrogant professor some real-world input to his economic theory of starting a new business:

PROFESSOR: First off, by looking at construction costs of our new factory.

DANGERFIELD: Uh, what's the product?

PROFESSOR: That is immaterial for the purposes of our discussion here, but if it makes you happy, let's say we're making tape-recorders.

DANGERFIELD: Tape-recorders? Are you kidding? That's (bleep) gonna kill us on the labor costs.

PROFESSOR: Okay. Fine. Then let's just say they are widgets.

DANGERFIELD: What's a widget?

PROFESSOR: It's a fictional product. It doesn't matter.

DANGERFIELD: Doesn't matter. Tell that to the bank.

SON: Easy, take it easy. It's the first day.

PROFESSOR: On the board you will see a cost analysis for the construction of a 30,000 square foot facility which will encompass both factory and office space and is fully serviced by all utilities, a railroad spur line, and a four-bay shipping dock.

DANGERFIELD: Hold it, hold it. Why build? You're better off leasing at a buck and a quarter, a buck and a half a square foot, take your down payment and put it into CDs or something else you could roll over every couple of months.

PROFESSOR: Thank you, Mr. Melon, but we'll be concentrating on finance a little later in the term. For the time being, let's just concentrate on the construction figures, shall we? You will see the final bottom line requires the factoring of not just the material and the construction costs, but also the architect's fees and the cost of land servicing.

DANGERFIELD: Oh-ho, you left out a bunch of stuff.

PROFESSOR: Oh, really? Like what, for instance?

DANGERFIELD: First of all, you're going to have to grease the local politicians for the sudden zoning problems that always come up. That is the kickback for the carpenters. And if you plan on using any cement in this building, I'm sure the teamsters like to have a little chat with you, and that will cost you. Ho, and don't forget a little something for the building inspectors. Then there's the long-term costs, such as waste disposal. I don't know if you are familiar with who runs that business, but I assure you it's not the Boy Scouts.

PROFESSOR: That will be quite enough, Mr. Melon. Maybe bribes and kickbacks and Mafia payoffs are how you do business, but they are not part of the legitimate business world, and they're certainly not part of anything I am teaching in this class. Do I make myself clear?

DANGERFIELD: Sorry, just trying to help, that's all.

PROFESSOR: Now, notwithstanding Mr. Melon's input, the next question for us is where to build our factory.

DANGERFIELD: How about Fantasyland?

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